【08.09.10】A Verse for Tik

vichida · 发表于 2008-9-10 03:57

本帖最后由 vichida 于 2010-5-22 01:32 编辑 <br /><br /> 本帖最后由 vichida 于 2009-2-12 17:04 编辑 1 p( N. h! L% B* k- v+ z; z* {2 N  W
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It’s long time since I last wrote any verses for anyone. To create a love song for a foreign male star --- that was even more unimaginable for me. But it just happened. Well, I told myself that I’am no longer a 17-year-old girl shy to speak out my fondness for someone. You, my audience (if any) could just take it as a little piece of “folk song” in the Chinatikfans Kingdom to celebrate the delicate and happy feeling you have for anyone. It follows:
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Killing Me Softly
; x' v( W# n- w( ~" @By Vichida1 P- O! w$ Y5 J$ |4 @% f- J

, o0 k7 _; S& d Many names they've given thee
2 E% L- l% l* ^7 |# PAngel, sunshine, breeze of spring2 {! O6 s9 L+ g% g% M
All these I shall agree% ?: g/ b3 t8 h5 u: |
Yet privately) A& u* T2 A1 Z& o; B
My Darling5 O  r- a7 j. D
Dare I call thee
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Sneakily as it seems
' z, a& S1 j8 k& F0 \2 H6 R4 |My soul is soaked; X) x' l) h( k9 ^) T1 X5 D
In happiness$ v3 f! W6 _# W5 ?" u3 ~
My heart trembling8 I6 c9 b* X  k! D+ E9 V
With tenderness
3 y, _  C) @2 L: K6 j& z  eMy eyes on nothing but thee
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# ]' P& Z' b# c/ F4 n2 s# kA garden as secret; h5 S$ s0 e( ]6 U8 T
As I thought never will be touched. ~, w9 J' d+ |  [% W
In deep
+ V  E% d+ s$ b/ c% A Upon first sight of thee
  o+ [# x7 c" v& w3 RQuietly yet swiftly
: s6 E- ]9 f9 w  aFences of steel are melting, A( @: n2 F/ W) `+ W8 _2 ~; V
Let alone the door so weak
3 z/ f: n0 W2 s% p$ A No permit ever I give thee
3 ~0 H7 u9 R4 a8 o% T: ^, ]You are the key! s; E( ~! Z$ q, ?- T% Z+ x

6 g" }+ B& M6 z Can’t resist but yielding
$ a. M) f# H- Z7 _+ }- N5 PBelieve it# v3 T# W! n" Q/ n/ ]3 M* t9 ~, d
I try to grin and be charming
4 z1 l' x9 t7 m7 C Somehow tears seize me5 O+ W6 a& d5 ~
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With this smile of millions% v4 Q  O7 Z2 M$ M9 T
On those precious lips* l) E9 H& M) x8 U% R' E
You’re killing me1 H9 O, r- f5 D  w, v+ m
Softly* C& W( O" ]6 k: q5 p' }4 T7 t
You know nothing about me
, C- X9 s, {8 V5 l I just fall victim to thee
  @* A& R6 Q& i' ^Willingly2 I0 T# I+ E! n! j
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爱的真谛yth · 发表于 2008-9-10 10:04

very good,I LOVE tik

雪王子 · 发表于 2008-9-10 10:37

This is wonderful poem, I like it very much .

七月 · 发表于 2008-9-10 13:44

Please speak English.

dianajiang · 发表于 2008-9-10 13:54

I hope ,someday,your poem will turn into a song with gentle rythem

vichida · 发表于 2008-9-10 14:00

原帖由 dianajiang 于 2008-9-10 13:54 发表
# b2 o8 g9 x6 N: r0 UI hope牋,someday,your poem will turn into a song with gentle rythem

I would love to see that happen. Shame that I know nothing about music.

jxhcfmiss · 发表于 2008-9-10 14:16

my god, your poem is beautiful and neat and rhythmical, even use the ancient english word "thee" instead of "you", from the whole poem and each line we can see that your english is excellent. besides my teachers, you are the second one who can compose such an exiquite poem, the first one is my classmate ,he is good at verse composing like you, i admire people like you from the heart.

vichida · 发表于 2008-9-10 14:50

原帖由 joe9097 于 2008-9-10 13:23 发表 ; _2 e- \1 h: e7 q, n
看了楼主的VERSE才知道原来英文的境界是无止境的啊,我还要加倍努力才行呵,尽管也尝试着翻译成中文,但怎么也觉得不够将楼主的对TIK的爱意完美的表达,还是请不懂英文的,自己去学英文吧,学好了再来看,真的会是不一样的感 ...

I also posted the same verse in the Articles column. I meant to interprete it into a chinese version later, but I guess it would turn out a totally different feel, as I, as chinese, can more openly declare "love" in a foreign language, but in my mother language I will feel shy to reveal it such a way.

for anyone who don't read english here, I'm really sorry cause this is meant as an english corner,so i try not to post too much chinese here.

[ 本帖最后由 vichida 于 2008-9-10 15:03 编辑 ]

vichida · 发表于 2008-9-10 14:59

原帖由 jxhcfmiss 于 2008-9-10 14:16 发表 : l2 U: K; }& b4 G& v% r
my god, your poem is beautiful and neat and rhythmical, even use the ancient english word "thee" instead of "you", from the whole poem and each line we can see that your english is excellent. besides ...

Your flattery makes me blush. But thanks for your appreciation.
Indeed I am no poet, and composing English verses is really not something I can claim as my talent or even hobby.
It just flows out of my pen (actually it is my fingers on keyboard), I think you can do it too, just try it, as long as you have sincere feeling.
As for the "thee" thing, it's for rhyming purpose, as you know.

[ 本帖最后由 vichida 于 2008-9-10 15:04 编辑 ]

dianajiang · 发表于 2008-9-10 15:42

I agree with you , vichida , actually,chinese and english are different language,they have different way of expression.when we read chinese classical poems,we are convinced by the compactness ,mixed connotations and deep imageries. meanwhile,english has the same function in many areas.BUT,some time,we translate a kind of language into another ,we'll find too difficult to epress the formal meanings.that's to say, they are different after all,variety make the world more colorful.
I hope we can communicate as possible as we can in the english section.

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